Knots. Tension.

Full glass of vodka and cherry coke.


Where did I go wrong?

When did I start digging this hole?

It's been a long time since I've had a day this bad...

I find it interesting, that I always have something to say when things go terribly wrong. My mind just explodes with thought, when I'm lost.

Shouldn't it be the other way around?

Isn't it when writer's have profound thoughts, that they write some of the most unbelievable things? When an inventor's "light bulb" turns on, they have the genius idea?

I'm living the way I wanted, but is this really what I wanted?

For my dad to have cancer. To be over a thousand dollars in debt. To be making enough money for there to be no excuse for my debt. Still living with my parents. In a band that brings me so much joy, but only satisfies myself. Am I selfish?

Is it wrong for me to chase after something I've wanted my whole life... to be a successful musician?

Something I've dreamed of since I was a kid... but I feel is now coming true. The second I feel all the hard work is paying off, someone else brings reality back into mind. Which one is right?

This dream that's coming true, or the reality of my mistakes?

The time, the money, the effort, the sweat, the tears, the passion, the dedication.

It seems so right. It seems so worth it to me. Am I ignorant? Do I not see something that everyone else around me is seeing that says it's not worth it?

The one thing in this world that I find peace and solace in, music.

It drives me.

It feeds me.

I feel like I understand it in ways that no one can comprehend. I feel like IT understands me more than I understand myself.

Why am I ranting? I don't know.

It feels right. It feels like where I'm supposed to be.


Glass empty.